Hello Boom!
by 42Lia
Summary: "Hello? Ivan" "Yes! I'm fine!" "I'm glad you're fine too" "Now, listen. You remember how we talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb?" "Well, you see ..." What happens if the red button that-must-never-be-pushed is push ...


**42Lia: Neither **_**Hetalia**_** nor **_**Dr Strangelove**_** (film by Stanley Kubrick) belong to me! I just had the bright idea of combining the two together! I own nothing! But this scene is so perfect and hilarious! I just had to write this down! It can easily be found on YouTube if you're interested. I advise to watch the film too. I liked it but it has a lot of dark humor. Don't take anything at the first or even second or third degree ;) Righto! Enj …**

**America: Why do I sound so not hero-like?**

**Russia: … Why am I not speaking?**

**42Lia: Because that's the way it is! Deal with it! I'm the story teller here!**

**Russia: Kolkolkol … (Evil glare)**

**America: But I sound horrible! And this Commie bastard is NOT my friend!**

**Germany: America! Russia! Get back to the meeting and stop fooling around!**

**42Lia: … Sorry for the disturbance. Enjoy~**

Hello … Boom!

America ran a frustrated hand through his chestnut hair as he stared grimly at the bright red phone on his desk. His sky blue eyes twitched behind his glasses and he sighted.

"You're just begging me to phone, aren't you?"

He then rashly grabbed the phone and started dialing.

"Hello? Hello Ivan? Listen, I can't hear too well, you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?"

"Uh uh, that's much better! Yeah … Yes!"

"Fine! I can hear you now, Ivan. Clear and plain and coming through fine."

"I'm coming through fine too, eh? Good then … … well, then as you say, we're both coming through fine."

"Good! Well, it's good that you're fine and I'm fine!"

"I agree with you! It's great to be fine! Ha ha ha …"

"Now then, Ivan, you how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb."

"The _bomb_, Ivan."

"The _hydrogen bomb_."

"Well now, what happened is … uh … one of my base commanders, he had a sort of … well he … went a little funny in the head! You know! Just a little … funny. And uh … he went and did a silly thing."

"Well, I'll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes … … to attack your country."

"A … Well, let me finish, Ivan! Let me finish, Ivan."

"Well, listen! How do you think I feel about it? Can you imagine how I feel about it, Ivan? Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say 'hello'?"

"Of course I like to speak to you! Of course I like to say 'hello'!"

"Not now but anytime, Ivan! I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened! It's a friendly call! Of course, it's a friendly call!"

"Listen if it wasn't friendly, … you probably wouldn't have even got it!"

"They will not reach their target for at least another hour!"

"I am … I am positive, Ivan!"

"Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador! It is not a trick!"

"Well I'll tell you! We'd like to give air staff a complete rundown on the targets, the flight plans and the defence systems of the planes."

"Yes! I mean if we're unable to recall the planes then … I'd say that uh … well uh … we're just gonna have to help you destroy them, Ivan."

"I know they're my boys."

"Alright, now listen, who should we call?"

"Who should we call, Ivan?"

"The … well the … the peop-sorry you're fading away there! The People Central Air Defence Headquarters? Where's that Ivan?"

"In Omsk? Right!"

"Yes … Oh, you're calling first, will you?"

"Ah uh. Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Ivan?"

"Wha … ya … what? I see! Just ask for Omsk information! Mm!"

"I'm sorry too, Ivan."

"I'm very sorry."

"Alright! You're sorrier than I am! But I am sorry as well!"

"I am as sorry as you are, Ivan! Don't say that you're the more sorry than I am because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are!"

"So we're both sorry alright?"

"Alright!"

…

"Bye Ivan."

Alfred hung up and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. He closed his eyes for a few minutes.

"What a mess …" he whispered.

There was a knock on his door but he didn't answer just yet. He wanted to savour the few minutes of peace he manage to get. The knock became more insistent. America flinched. He knew that he couldn't hold his duty back forever. If only he could get out of this whole freaking mess of a war! Hell! It didn't even look like a war! It was more like playing chess! That's England's thing not his! America hates chess! He likes actions! Thinking never was his strong point.

"Damn Russia …"

There was yet another knock … well, more like someone slamming against his door. America opened his eyes and sighted. Guess it was time for work, eh?

"Come in."


End file.
